Date Has Been Set

I'm going to be leaving the States on November 21st. I've booked the one way flight for England that day, and it will be from that point on where I'll begin my life as an expatriate. But most importantly, I'll be with my husband. There will be no ridiculous distance between us anymore. We will finally close this distance. My husband is coming to the States this Saturday on November 5th. He will take me back with him on the 21st. I've already started packing. He will help me pack as well, for he'll be bringing near-empty suitcases. I still can't believe this is happening. I was certain I would be doomed to a lifetime of unhappiness, and that this visa would be rejected. I was so worried about that. I was worried that upon getting my documents back, that it would be rejected. And that I would be doomed more unhappy months away from him. I was even considering on giving up on him if it was rejected, but I know my loyal nature wouldn't stand for that.

Right now, though, I'm getting antsy. I have trouble enjoying anything else but packing. I'm ready to go home. I'm hoping that once he gets here, my interests would return. Because as of this point, if I'm not packing, I'm laying on my bed incredibly bored. I'm getting impatient. I've waited 6 years for this. I am not sure I can wait anymore. I'm ready to go! My mom is sad to see me go, though, and I hate to see her this way. She didn't want me to leave so soon, so I'm having to leave just a couple days before my vignette expires. I don't want to leave that late, but I will, to make mom happy.

I never thought I'd finally find happiness. It's just waiting for it that I'm not sure I can do. Each day is going to drag. At least until my husband gets here. I can guarantee that when he gets here, the rest of November will fly by and the 21st will be here in the blink of an eye.

So now you may be asking what is going to come of this blog now that I'm closing the distance? Well, the next posts will be about my expatriate experience. Because this isn't over. There's the Definite and Indefinite Leave to Remain visas. I don't have to worry about the Definite Leave to Remain until July 2019. But when I get there, I will not be a citizen yet. I will only be an expat. A spouse of a citizen, basically. When I get there, I'll need to pick up my biometric residence permit. I will also provide advice, at least to the best of my ability. I cannot provide legitimate advice otherwise I will get in serious legal trouble. I might just end up making a tab on this webpage full of general advice. But I cannot go in depth without lawyers gettin' on my butt. I don't want to get in legal trouble after successfully getting approved to go over there. But for the most part, I may be posting expat blogs. The "Distance Between Us" tab will also be updated to accommodate us when I get there :D

It's All Over Now

I got my visa today!!!!! Now I can be with my husband permanently. Now this couple has been united. As soon as I got it, I cried. Then I laughed. Then I did a bit of both. The fees, the stress, the worries, the tears...it was all worth it in the end. I have read some expat forums and they usually provide a timeline. And happily, I'll finally be able to provide mine. Been looking forward to this:

June 7, 2016: The first supporting documents I added: conversation logs and photos
July 20, 2016: Received new passport with married name
September 23, 2016: Received all supporting documents
October 6, 2016: Filled out application and paid applicable fees (used Priority Service)
October 11, 2016: Attended biometrics appointment
October 14, 2016: Sent out the application and supporting documents
October 17, 2016: Application arrived in Sheffield
October 24, 2016: Got the email declaring a decision has been made
October 27, 2016: UK Spouse Visa received

I'm just as happy as I was on my wedding day. But I feel like if the stress hadn't prevented me from eating and getting a good night's sleep, I would be feeling more energetic.

The Application Has Been Reviewed

I just got an email this morning saying a decision has been made. I don't know what it is until I get it.....I'm so scared. I've got pessimistic thoughts running through my head. What am I going to do if it's refused?! I'll be a crying mess probably.
All I can do is hope...not sure I have much of that right now! Dammit why do I have to be a pessimist?! Everyone else is confident in this...I'm confident in our evidence but....

Oh God help me!

The Application Arrived in Sheffield!

I just got an email saying they've received my application and that it's going to be assessed by an Entry Clearance Officer. One thing I noticed, is that in the email they stated the documents should be in this order:

1. Application form and relevant Appendix form
2. English language evidence
3. Relationship evidence
4. Maintenance evidence 
5. Accommodation evidence

Whoops....I did maintenance, accommodation, relationship. I hope that doesn't cause any problems with processing....

And they're just telling me NOW how they want the documents arranged? Ugh.

And the Agonizing Waiting Game Begins...

Wow...it has only been a day since I mailed the package and I am already suffering! I do not know how long this will take, or how long I will have to endure this...I opted for priority so HOPEFULLY it shouldn't take a month. I can't stop thinking about what the results might be...it is giving me some bad anxiety. My husband and family members are all so confident that it will be accepted. But me being the pessimist I am, I can't feel the same. I am confident in our documents, but at the same time I also have doubts. I've got this mixture of pessimism and optimism...it isn't fun. I wish I could get my mind off of it but I cannot find the motivation to do the things I enjoy because all of this is making me paranoid. I don't know...maybe I am overreacting. Then again, the fate of my future depends on a bunch of British elites. If it gets refused, I will be forced to remain apart from my husband a lot longer. And quite frankly, I am not sure how much more I can endure that. I want to be with him permanently! I am so tired of the stress, worries, and anxiety. I just want to be happy...and that fact depends on the decision of the government, which is frustrating. This whole thing is frustrating!! I've tried talking to others, but they are so insistent that this will go through perfectly and that I will be accepted.


...I really wish I had the capacity to have those kinds of thoughts :(

And I am not religious so I don't believe praying is going to help...


Sorry, I just need to get this out there. I think I'm in the hardest part of the visa application process right now.

It Is Out Of My Hands Now

Well I dropped the package off at the UPS store...I tried yesterday but the lady wanted an invoice. Being as I have little to no experience with sending packages, I wasn't sure what that was. I went in awhile ago and this time I included the VFS Global receipt. The lady seemed uncertain that that would work...now as a result, I am worried about it all...I have like $3,000 worth of stuff in that package...I cannot afford to be worried about the package. I will track it like a hawk....but I'm just worried now after how unsure she was about what I gave her. My phone number is on the shipping label, though...

I just worry there will be an issue with the shipment and that as a result, the process will be delayed....or may not even work...


All I know is, I'm fucking tired of being stressed out and worried. TIRED OF IT!!


But if this goes through and gets accepted, it will be worth it in the end.

But if not........




Please fate...be on my side for once...

My Biometrics Experience

So I had my biometrics appointment yesterday. It went by really quickly. The first thing I did when I went inside the building was get screened by security officers. It was similar to the ones at an airport. Then they told me to go into the ASC office. I went in and the lady asked for my biometric appointment confirmation paper. She reviewed my details for a second then immediately went to the manager. When she did, I was starting to worry that something was wrong. But she actually needed help because I don't think she's ever dealt with UK visas before. The two of them analyzed my information a bit more. Then the employee took me to the back of the room where she stamped my confirmation paper. Then she scanned all of my fingerprints just as they were. After that, she proceeded to roll each of them. She took my picture and then I was done.

It went so fast, and I had taken in my whole stack of documents by the recommendation of my parents. Turns out the only things I needed were my biometrics appointment confirmation paper and my passport. LoveMyBrit said I needed to bring a printout of my application, which I did, but they never asked for it.

But I got the appointment confirmation paper stamped and now all I need to do is mail everything.

Then I must play the waiting game....

Next Step: Completed

Paid the fees, booked my biometrics appointment, and found appropriate shipping material. Things are rolling along!! My biometrics appointment is on October 11th at 14:00. I will have everything shipped before October 16th. Hopefully I will receive an answer by Halloween.

Good Research Improves Confidence

Now that I have a better idea on how to package and send my book-sized stack of documents, my hopes are a bit stronger now. Progress seems to be being made, and after reading expat forums I have more confidence in our documents. I think within the next 10-20 days I'll be at my biometrics appointment. And hence ready to send this.

But that doesn't mean I still dread a possible impending refusal...

It's Not All Easy

His documents finally showed up. And I won't lie, there is some solid evidence in there. But even with these documents having solid evidence, I still have low confidence and doubts. Honestly, I cannot think of anything else that the stack of document needs. Everything is there. Financial evidence, accommodation evidence, relationship evidence. All that is left is completing the VAF4A and scheduling a biometrics appointment. Then this visa application will be ready to ship. But being as this is called an "application" that means there are grounds for refusal. I cannot stop stressing about this. I have doubts that it will get approved. Even with all of the solid evidence we need. I am not going to give up, though. But it is hard to stay positive in all of this. Even with a good stack of documents. I really want to move over there, as I am not happy here. If this gets denied, that means I will be forced to remain here longer. I'm tired of this distance. I just want to live with my husband.

If this gets refused, they will be denying me that social right :( even with comfort from my family and husband, I still cannot help but feel skeptical that something in my life will go right for once...
If it gets refused, though, we will start over...

It's just that I've never been through anything like this. I do not know if there is anything I am missing, or anything I am doing wrong. It doesn't help that LoveMyBrit were forced to stop publishing helpful articles :( after what happened to them, I realized I cannot give detailed advice either, otherwise the same will happen to me. And I do not think I'll be able to freely publish a book about all this either. Or I will get in trouble. I mean, it is thanks to LoveMyBrit that I have come this far. I have confidence in their list. But the couple in LoveMyBrit has a more solid situation. With me, I don't even have a driver's license. I'm not sure...

I'm just having a lot of worries, doubts, and stress. And as a result, my face looks like it hit puberty :(

This is hard. I just wish we lived in a close proximity relationship. Living happily together like other couples. Why am I the one to jump through all these hoops? What did I do to deserve this?


Please pray for me.

The Process is Officially STAGNATED

I have everything ready. I've had it ready since a week after he left.

He sent documents, but they failed to arrive. He did not and has not kept me updated, or even mentioned anything about it. It took him months to get his documents together. I had mine together in a few days. The only thing that took long was my passport application. I have been thinking he's not invested in this like I am. And my family agrees. I've been on thin strings here lately, but as the past four years of my life has been rough, I have grown accustomed to such tribulations. I can sense my dream of moving to the UK fading. It doesn't help that I'm afraid this will all be in vain...that the visa will be rejected. So four months of stress, loneliness, and frustration...for what? Nothing. I suppose I'm going to have to accept the fact that I'm succumbed to a lifetime of unhappiness. But it is alright. As I said, I am accustomed to it.

Do not fret, I am fine. Just needed to get this out there. 

The Process is Officially Underway!

After a month of stressful waiting and a marriage certificate mix up, I just got my new passport in, with my married name! With it, this spouse visa process can be officially begin. I can fill out the VAF4A application form now. But I need to wait a bit more before I do that, because my husband needs to send out his supporting documents first. Because once I fill out the VAF4A form, I will book an appointment to get my biometrics done. Once I go to the biometric appointment, I have five days to mail the entire application package. So essentially, anything beyond the VAF4A application is the last step in gathering up the documents. I'll need to have everything else before I proceed with that. But my husband has earned enough for both the application and the NHS fee, so apart from his documents, we are ready to get this all together and mailed out.

Let's just hope this all goes smoothly and I don't get denied. I'm still terrified of that....

Doubts

As of right now, I'm starting to wonder if I should've taken the fiancé visa route. At least then I would be married and with him. Nothing hurts worse than to marry somebody only to have them go back home two weeks later. It's extremely unfair, but so is life. Lately though I've been having some bad resentment. I will not go into detail. But it still stands that I will not take this distance any longer. I could handle it before but now that we are married, I can't handle it anymore. This isn't what a marriage is supposed to be like. Especially a new and fresh one at that. I'm not supposed to be feeling lonely, abandoned, or physically disconnected. A fresh marriage should never be that way. But here I am, feeling this way. Ugh.
I'm having this bitter jealousy towards LoveMyBrit too. As much I HIGHLY appreciate their help and are blessed by their detailed articles, I can't also help but feel jealous that they've closed the distance successfully.

I'm not giving up on this, but I'm most definitely on thin strings now.




Happy 4th everyone! 🇺🇸


Can't say I will, cause 9 times outta 10 I'll be left home alone. But truly at this point I'm resigned to it.

Forever Apart...?

So...the UK left the EU.

Yeah, that happened.

I heard it might affect my visa. And it's already difficult as is with carers allowance.

I've kinda lost all hope now...

What's the point in doing anything....everything I've done ....everything I've worked hard for in this relationship....has come to this. All that I've worked toward has stopped here. I can work harder, but, there seems to be a stronger chance of denial now, as immigration will be frowned upon now. I bet even if I do this legally I'll still be denied. EVERYTHING I HAVE BEEN WORKING FOR HAS BEEN ALL IN VAIN!!

I can't live in this distance anymore. If I'm rejected, I'm not sure I'll be able to continue on...
Newlyweds shouldn't be apart, so if this distance continues,....I can't handle this. I'm all alone right now, can't go out and do things without a car. Tried making friends on certain websites but to no avail.  Is this my fate?  Am I destined to be stuck at home and suffering alone?

I'm not even sure anymore

Minuscule, But Important Updates

So yesterday I just sent out my passport application. With it were rather sensitive documents, such as my old passport and my marriage certificate. If I'd had the option, I would have secured that package with a microchip or something. I've been tracking it and so far it is moving along smoothly. On the other side of the pond, my hubby has been gathering the things he needs to submit as well. He's been looking at houses for us to stay in, as well as getting the things he needs from work. He contacted a legal adviser, so the whole Carer's Allowance situation might be explained better for us. I've downloaded an app that allows texting and calling, for I still do not have phone service. My brother told me it's time to get under a contract. Hearing that made me realize that I'm twenty, unemployed, and still live with my parents. Needless to say, I feel pretty pathetic now. ☹️ 
But I am working on the Spouse Visa right now, so at least I am not completely incompetent. At least I am doing something with my life instead of just laying around playing on my phone. Both my parents work hard during the day, and I feel guilty if I lay around being lazy. I clean the house if need be and try to stay on top of things. But I don't feel like it's enough sometimes. I could get a job, but not only do I not have phone service to call and get rides, but I am moving soon. And we are REALLY close to having the funds for this.

But I wonder if my family members see me as lazy and incompetent? ☹️ 

Our Unique Situation

As you all know, I'm coming along with regards to the visa. Each day, something new is being checked off the box. I am pretty well set with regards to relationship evidence. I may add a few more DeviantART logs in though.

I REALLY WANT TO THANK LOVEMYBRIT RIGHT NOW!!

I have used the checklist extensively provided by LoveMyBrit, and it's given me the confidence in the success rate of this visa, simply because they have successfully completed the visa themselves. Today, I have found introduction letter examples and advice on their website, when I did not think they would have it. I wrote my applicant letter of introduction today, have not printed it out yet though because I am considering on whether or not to send it to LoveMyBrit for review. If this visa application is a success, I might almost send the LoveMyBrit couple a box of chocolates because their advice to me is a godsend.

The GOV.UK website is difficult to understand and navigate, and it does not provide any examples or adequate details as to the visa process, and I know that is because of unique situations, which I will discuss here in a bit.

BUT I WANT TO SHOWER LOVEMYBRIT WITH MANY THANKS FOR THEIR HELP AND ADVICE!

I would not be this far if it weren't for them. 

Anyway, back to the unique situation thing. My husband, Dayle, currently receives Carer's Allowance for his older brother Callum. Needless to say, this makes him exempt from the £18,600 financial requirement. That may sound simple, but it isn't. I still have yet to totally figure out what to put into the application regarding this. It's stressing me out a bit. From the research I've done, legal advice was suggested by many outlets. I've got nearly $1,100 saved and I don't want to spend very much money right now, since I know legal advice may not be cheap in some cases. I'm hoping to find a legitimate source that provides a free consultation, or something. It will ease my worries in this whole situation.

It's a lot to think about right now, my mind is a big sticky web full of information and stuff, I don't even feel I have much more brainpower to continue writing..oafmnklsmakmf.,sma.,fms.asvjdoaskjoekalkfmwe

I think I can say for a fact that I could never be a researcher. So much digging and headaches.

I EVEN WENT TO THE 5TH PAGE OF GOOGLE!!

...You NEVER do that unless you're that desperate.

Despite all this, though, I have good confidence in this visa thing. I want to say that it's thanks to, again, LoveMyBrit's checklist. Since they are a successful visa couple.

Seriously, check out LoveMyBrit, They have some amazingly helpful articles. Much better than this shit I post on here that seems to be buried under all the more popular blogs lol.

Also, if you're British, sign LoveMyBrit's petition! It's to encourage joint-sponsorship so other people can help contribute to the ridiculous £18,600 requirement. 

*sigh*....we've got this. We can do this. I want to fight for Dayle. I love him, and I hate the word distance. I hate it. It's a cactus rolling off my tongue. I want to stop it, and end it. I want to stop these goodbyes. This little concern of mine isn't going to stop me!! 

More Progress Made!!

This is silly, and small, but it gets me kind of excited considering the fact that I was able to check off another box on my visa checklist. I made a photo timeline, and it's now in the binder. Again, it's silly and small, but it's progress being made, and I am pretty happy about that. It gets my mind off of the depression I feel with having Dayle being away from me. Actually, I can work on the entire Evidence of Relationship Requirement section right now. But realistically, the very first order of business is to get my passport in. I can't start the VAF4A until then. I want to do that right now, but I am unsure of this, because I still have no phone service to get rides anywhere...

But the ball is starting to roll nonetheless, and I am glad to see the progress being made.

One Checkbox Checked

I haven't started the VAF4A form yet because I have yet to apply for my new passport. The new passport is the first order of business. It has to be done by post though, and it has to be paid by check. I don't have a checkbook right now...I am not sure how I would get one with my bank. Even still, there's not much I can do right now because I have no phone service. My dad fell behind on the bill so I can't text or receive texts. Even iMessage won't work. Thinking about getting a GoPhone SIM card but again I can't text anyone to get a ride. So I'm not really sure what to do.

However I've done a bit of the VAF4A Appendix 2. I haven't completed it though because the paper size I currently have is too small. Today, I've also printed out all of our emails and some conversation logs from before we got together. I was able to check a box on the checklist.
So I'm making progress and I'm glad about that! I've got over $1,000 right now and my hubby has a good amount in his savings. The visa itself is $1,810 but that doesn't count the £600 NHS surcharge. We are really close to affording this, and I'm glad about that. The ball is beginning to roll now. I'm not sure on his end though, because he'd just returned from his 24 hour trip back so I'm guessing he's sleeping. I miss him :( I wish we were able to work on this together. We did a bit together on the Appendix 2 before he left though. I'm going to log my progress not just for sentimental reasons but to help other couples. Right now I'm fairly confident in how this will go. My main concerns are the limited vista computer I use, any surprise fees, printing issues, and transportation limitations.

But I love my husband, and even if the visa requires me to swim the Atlantic to the UK, let me get my swimsuit and some sunscreen!!

Updates!

This is when the business starts kicking in. I know this has been dead the past few months but I've just been trying to get the ball rolling. First I needed to complete college, and I did. Then my British partner flew over here in April for a month. We got married May 15, 2016. Here's some pics!

Well Dayle had to go home today and I feel like absolute crap right now because I had to say goodbye AGAIN...  this time to my new husband. We'd just married and he had to go home. I'm sick of this distance. Expect more posts from here on out because I'm going to start this visa process because FUCK this distance and the goodbyes!!! :(

So that's where I've been, and expect this blog to become alive again. 

Congratulations to Chelsea and Chris!

Chelsea and Chris, the couple from lovemybrit.com, sent in their spouse visa application and it was accepted! I am hoping when I start the visa this summer that I will have a successful time like they had. They posted a checklist for the UK Spouse Visa Application on their website, and for those who are seeking to close the distance with their spouse in the UK, go here.

Congratulations, guys, and I wish you luck with the rest of the process :)

And I wish everybody a lucky St. Patrick's Day! 

Ahh Valentines Day, the Dreaded Holiday for LDRs

It's that time of year again. Valentine's Day. You knew it was coming, like a looming dark storm cloud. Problem is...you're IN a relationship!! But your loved one lives so far away, you might as well be single! Sure you can mail gifts, or send digital sentiments...but it's just not the same when they're not next to you, cuddling you with their soft warmth. This year, mailing gifts will prove to be a hassle. Why? This year, Valentines Day is on a Sunday. What is more inconvenient than that?! I wanted to mail my fiancé a card last week, but it got sent back to me because of inadequate postage now it's too late to send it to him, even if it hops on a digital current and somehow becomes a hybrid of email and postal mail. Not that it matters anyway, because it won't make it on time. Last year I got to spend my first Valentine's Day with him, but this year, he has to stay home in Ol' Merry England. And with it being a holiday AND a Sunday, I can imagine he will be busy at work all day and won't be able to spend time with me! He may have sent me a card, but again, it won't matter with Valentine's Day being on a Sunday.

 But it's only a single day out of the year. It is cliche to send or receive gifts on THAT day. What's wrong with February 15th? Or how about March 7th? Make a Valentine's Day up for you and your partner when you see each other again. For instance, let's say your loved one will fly in April 10th. How about you make April 14th your Valentine's Day? That way, not only will restaurants be overcrowded when you two go out, but prices will be more fair. Sure, you won't get heart shaped chocolates or cookies. But regular cookies and chocolates taste the same, right? And going out on that day won't be cliche.

And also, postal mail may not be active on Sundays, but...email is 24.7 ☺️ Plus, it gets to your loved one faster. And on time (if they can check it soon enough)! And let's be honest, sometimes our handwriting isn't the best!  Like mine for instance!


I really wish I could provide a fix-it-all solution for LDR couples on Valentine's Day. I say, treat it as if you're single, and generally, my advice to singles is: "Date Netflix and pig out on chocolates!" And look at the bright side, at least neither of those things fart incessantly or talk your ear off ;)

Best Wishes to all LDR Couples.

The Catfish You DON'T Want to Catch

Online relationships, whether five or five thousand miles away, have many things in common. I have discussed a few of these things in my previous blog post. One of the factors I have only briefly covered are Catfish. No, not the ray-rinned fish that finds itself in a lot of dinner plates. I'm talking about a person who assumes a false identity in order to lure in unsuspecting victims. A Catfish can be a young guy friend you met five minutes ago, or a serious partner you have been with for two years. Catfish can be twelve, twenty-five, or eighty-two. I won't go into serious detail, as I am sure the majority of the population are aware of Catfish and the dangers they may pose. I say may, because if you have ever watched the show Catfish on MTV, you will see that a few of the Catfish had only lied about themselves due to insecurities, but are still interested in a relationship. That is not to say that all Catfish are like this. Some are life threatening and must be avoided at all cost. If you are talking to somebody online, keep an eye out on any red flags that may indicate they're not who they say they are. 
Here are common red flags that indicate you have caught a Catfish:

• What does their profile picture look like? Is it a picture of Brad Paisley or Jessica Simpson? If it is, that's a red flag
• Does their profile give hints that they are the perfect human being? If so, that's a red flag
• An example profile of this:
• Name: John Doe
• Age: 25
• Weight: 220 pounds
• Height: 6'2"
• Body Type: Extremely athletic with ripped abs!
• Hair Color: Blonde
• Eye Color: Sparkling blue eyes like the waters of Florida
• Skin Color: Perfectly tan
• Personality: I love socializing, drinking champagne, chilling out at home with Netflix, dogs and cats, and people. I have no issues with anger, I don't smoke or drink. I don't do drugs. I have a 4.5 GPA and have graduated from Harvard with a Masters Degree in Sexiness. I treat every woman like a princess and shoot anybody who threatens her! I love chick flicks as well, and I will help out with housework anyway I can! I have muscles that will make you shudder. 
• Okay this may have been an over-exaggerated profile, but he sounds like the perfect guy, right? Unfortunately, he has one of the many profiles that is just to good to be true. 
• Has the person given poor excuses to not come and meet you in person, or has refused to attempt Skyping you? This is definitely a red flag, as the person does not want you to see the real them. 
• Here's a list of questionable excuses
• "I work so hard, all day! I can't find the time!" (Their profile indicates that they are a part-time cook at Taco Bell)
• "Maybe someday!" (This is the 53rd time they've said this. Yes, you counted)
• "I am sorry, I can't, my brother is having issues and I just can't!" (What issues? Oh, and your profile indicates you're a single child)
• "I'm too busy with my mother, who has stage 2 cancer, and I must be there for her!" (They told you five months ago that they were adopted)
• Has the person asked for money? This is a major red flag. They will give you open-ended threats to encourage your investments, such as "If you love me, you'll give me your money!" or "My dad will die if you don't give me $200,000 each week!" As soon as you are asked to send the person money, get out of there. Because, not only are they trying to steal your money, but they may be trying to steal your account details as well, which could lead to the nasty crimes called credit card fraud or identity theft, and we don't want that.
• You just met Gina online, and she asks you to marry her. What? This is a red flag too, watch out for those who jump into serious relationships right away
• If they ever do call you, pay attention to their voice. Does it sound like a male masking a female voice? Does that "eighteen-year-old" on the other end of the line have a voice that sounds a little too much like your own dad's? If their voice sounds off or masked, that's a red flag. 

These are common Catfish attributes. You could check to make sure of their authenticity by perhaps doing a reverse Google search on their profile photo, or even do a background check. Look up their name on Google. If their name comes up on social medias that show different photos, that indicates you may have caught a Catfish, since Catfish sometimes steal other people's profile images and make it their own. They may even steal the name too, hence putting the person in question's reputation on the line. 

Be sure to educate yourself, children, family, or friends about Catfish. You don't want your granny sending $600,000 to the "poor old man whose family is dying" (unless it is a legitimate charitable organization, of course). Stay clear of the murky waters. 

Here is a good song that describes a similar situation:

How Do You Survive an LDR?

People used to believe strongly that long distance relationships, or LDRs, never work. But in today's world, people's perception on this has changed just a bit. Mostly due to the connectivity options presented to you on the various websites out there. 
To get a better understanding of what I mean by connectivity, you know all those dating website commercials on TV with the catchy jingle or slogan? With the amount of websites available to all demographics, it changes our perception on the strength of LDRs. There's standard websites out there such as zoosk.com, match.com, eharmony.com. And there's those demographic websites such as farmersonly.com (You don't have to be lonely here!), blackpeoplemeet.com, etc. Of course, most of the time the websites are there for people who do not feel comfortable in a social environment (like me!), and there is not much long distance going on. But the one thing all of these websites have in common, is that they connect distant people online. Isn't that the basis of long distance relationships? Unless you know how to teleport, you meet your significant other for the first time online; whether you are on farmersonly.com to meet that handsome cowboy hunk a few miles away, or you are on eharmony.com to meet the sexy Brazilian author. But why am I mentioning all this? No, it's not to sell you the products on those websites. It's to give you an understanding of how long distance relationships have changed throughout time. 
It is thanks to these dating websites, that long distance relationships no longer have such a bad connotation of failure.

Of course, this is not to say that all LDRs work. Like standard close proximity relationships, LDRs can fail. It is how you handle the situations that determine whether or not it will fail. And some people do still believe that LDRs are doomed to failure, and that is perfectly understandable. Some people cannot imagine living over a thousand miles away from their significant other with the relationship surviving. And that brings me to the first point: trust. 

Trust: reliance on the integrity, strength, and ability, of a person or thing.

Trust is a common issue even with normal relationships, with common worries such as is she cheating? Why did he come home late last night? Did he just eyeball her boobs? She sure hangs out with her old classmate a lot... these worries are trust are amplified in long distance relationships. Not only are they always away from you, but they may also be in a totally different time zone. So while you are sleeping soundly, he or she may be having some afternoon fun with their neighbor. And it is unfortunate to say that this can occur in not just LDRs but regular relationships. In my opinion, trust is the number one factor that is important in ANY relationship. But this blog website is about LDRs, so that is what we will focus on. You must have trust in your significant other. Now before you bite my booty, yes, I know that is REALLY difficult. With them living so far away, it is hard NOT to have trust issues. And when you happen to meet your loved one on, say, eharmony.com, you have no idea who is behind the screen. A regular man? A fifteen-year-old girl? An 84-year-old pervert? It is hard to tell. This is why I emphasize that you videochat them. No, not post a video on YouTube saying it is you, because anybody can do that. I mean videochat as in, FaceTime or Skype. Skype is free to sign up, and FaceTime comes with smartphones with a front-facing camera.(I know iOS for sure has FaceTime, I do not know about Android) When the person refuses to videochat, alarm bells should go off in your head. You do not want to be catfished. 

Catfish: a person who assumes a false identity or personality on the Internet, especially on social-media websites, as to deceive,manipulate, or swindle.

Catfishing is a whole other beast I might later on tackle in another post. It is important to prevent being hooked, and videochatting is the best way to do this. Of course, that is not to say that people may still fabricate themselves when you videochat. They may still lie about who they are. They could be a nice, sweet, young man who is attending a big university but deep down have a passion for murdering. When you videochat, it is a good idea to get connected with their family members. If their parents have any fears or worries about him as a person, that should raise red flags. It will be normal if they have worries about the relationship, as it is long distance, and that is expected to raise eyebrows of skepticism. But connect with their close family and perhaps even do a background check on your significant other. Now for basic trust, such as whether or not they will cheat, can be easily built over time. A good way to start the building of trust is through a friendship. And again, this can be said of any relationship. Let's say you are best friends with Antonio from Chicago, for instance, and you live in Australia. You two have been friends for quite some time now, and if it were not for the distance, you would be inseparable. You both are single, but not actively looking. It is then, when Antonio finally gathers the courage to ask you out on Skype. Admittedly, you have felt the same way about him, but wasn't sure how he would handle the distance. After all, you are almost a day ahead of him, and you worry how the time zone will affect your relationship. Eventually, you accept his offer and you two are coupled. The time zone is a hassle, but you trust him. Why? Because you have been videochatting with him for two years now, and you have met his mom, who is really friendly but extremely busy. 
Trust takes awhile to build, but it can get a head-start if you are well-acquainted with the person. It's unfortunate that most modern relationships are quick to form, and sometimes even casual. But in my opinion, I would rather be in a relationship with a best friend whom I really trust, than a person who I met a month ago and worry he is sleeping with his secretary. 



Dedication is the second most important factor in a LDR. 

Dedication: to devote wholly and earnestly, as to some person or purpose

Now, this does not mean you need to spend 100% of your waking hours talking to them. It just means that you cannot fall to the status of out of sight, out of mind. Taking the Antonio example from earlier, you can't just couple with Antonio and talk to him only once a month and think that is okay. That will cause the trust to collapse too. A long distance relationship is like a tree. The trust are the roots that hold every thing steady, and everything from this point on will be the trunk and branches. Without trust (the roots), the tree will not grow and may eventually fall. I know, we all have jobs, schools, families, and other aspects to worry about. But again, like a standard relationship, you must find a balance between these and your relationship. I know how easy it is to sign up for a connectivity website and then neglect it afterwards. I have personally signed up for websites that would help me find more friends, but have not signed in since the day I created the accounts. In order for the LDR to keep going, you have to stay dedicated to your partner. And this is not just talking about finding time to talk to them. It is also finding time to MEET them. Plane tickets, as we know, are not cheap. If your partner (or you!) does not put time and effort into saving for the next ticket to see you, this should raise tiny flags. Tiny flags, as in, it is not going to be a major deal-breaker in the LDR, but you should inquire as to why they won't save up. Circumstances such as work or finances are valid excuses, for awhile, that is. If you are three years into your relationship with Antonio and he keeps telling you that work is getting in the way with flying to Australia to see you, GIANT red flags should pop up. If you are in a LDR with a partner from another country, and one of you wants to migrate to close the distance, then one of you MUST meet in person. Being in an LDR requires time and devotion to your partner, you can't let the tree shrivel and die. You must water it. Time Zones are a common hassle with LDRs. As mentioned earlier in the Antonio example, you live in Australia. He lives in Chicago. That is easily a 17 hour time difference. So while you are enjoying a nice lunch at Subway, Antonio is still sleeping in to the next day. In my relationship, my fiance is six hours ahead. Time zones can be a hassle with scheduling FaceTime or Skype dates. Which is why you need to find someway to work around it. For instance, perhaps before dinner at 5pm your time, you could call Antonio and wish him a good morning, and teasingly ask what the next day looks like over there. Time zones are not just a hassle apart, either. As you are flying to Chicago for the first time, you will be seventeen hours behind your sleep schedule, and you now understand what it means to be jetlagged. 



Patience
Now, I won't be surprised if half of you read this, and then closed the browser. Most people in this world are pretty impatient, but if you are not, it will not break your LDR. It is also the last important factor I will talk about, because quite frankly, I could write a novel of all the important factors that will help an LDR survive. This is just a composition of the three most important things.

Patience: the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance,misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.

You read that definition, and it screams YOU. You scroll down and think, "Alice is a nutjob if she ever thinks I will be patient. There is no way I can handle waiting for so long, so I must not be able to handle my long distance relationship!" This is simply not true. While you may be impatient, it is not the most important factor for the survival of your LDR. The reason why dedication comes before patience, is that in order to have patience, you must be dedicated. What do I mean by that? Well, say for instance you are extremely impatient. Antonio has yet to come see you, and it's almost two years into your relationship. You tell Antonio that if you and him do not meet in person, you will probably go insane, and maybe even leave him. Antonio reassures you that once he collects another $600 paycheck, he will be able to afford the flight to Australia. While you might have been impatient, Antonio reassured you with his dedication. Impatience will not destroy your LDR if you have dedication. Your partner will be there to support and reassure you, as well. If you really love your partner, you will be able to ignore your impatience to do anything you can to prepare for your (re)union. If you are unable to handle the impatient feelings, then maybe an LDR isn't for you. "But Alice, you said earlier that impatience will not destroy your LDR!"  Yes, I did say that. The general concept that you are impatient won't. Letting it get to you is what will destroy your LDR. It is perfectly natural to be impatient five days before your loved one arrives at the airport in your city. I've felt it! A week before my fiance gets to the airport here, a week has felt like seven months. Throughout time, you will begin to develop an immunity to impatience, and start to see that eventually, you will be together again. As I said, if you are impatient to see him, that is not a red flag in the LDR. But giving in to the impatience will. Have trust and dedication in your partner, and ignoring impatience will be a cinch. 






Those are the top three most important things for a surviving LDR. If you noticed, it is not much different from a normal relationship. The only setback is the distance, which will augment the struggles of these factors. I have omitted from including obvious factors such as unconditional love, care, empathy, etc because while they are important, they are at the top of the tree. I just listed the top three factors that LDRs need to survive. 

For those who are yawning, and/or skipped through all this, here's a brief summary of this article:

TL;DR, In order to survive, long distance relationships must have:

• Trust (so that you have reassurance that he or she only loves and cares about you)
• Dedication (dedication to seeing your relationship through rough times and to eventually close the distance)
• Patience (an established acceptance that while your partner lives far away, you are confident that this is not forever, and that gives you courage)

LDRs are hard, much more difficult than normal relationships. If you are in one, I wish you luck. I also wish You and Antonio luck! ;) If you ever need advice, let me know in the comments below. 

The poorly drawn LDR Survival Tree. Trust is the root of all the important factors, it's the root of the tree and what keeps it alive and strong. 

Which Visa Is Best?

There are many, many different types of visas out there to choose from. While I do not know the exact requirements and details of each and every one out there, there is definitely no shortage of visas to choose from. 

The partner settlement visas are as follows:

1. Fiance visas (most common)
2. Spouse visas
3. Marriage visas  (on these visas, you go to the UK to get married, but you are to come back to your home country. In other words, it is not a settlement visa)

The traditional steps for the visas* are usually:

1. The Fiance Visa 
2. Spouse Visa
3. Definite Leave to Remain
4. Indefinite Leave to Remain

Of course, if you choose the spousal route, it will eliminate the need for a fiance visa. It's what my fiance and I did. Check out more details in the video below. 

The Fiance and Spouse Visas are formally considered entry clearance, or leave to enter visas. You are not allowed to apply for settlement without entry clearance. Entry clearance is what initially permits you to stay in the UK past the standard tourist visas, which only allow up to 90 non-consecutive days in the UK. What is the difference between the Fiance and Spouse Visas you may ask? 

The Fiance Visa:

• Lasts six months, and you are not allowed to work
• You must inform the decision maker when you plan to get married; it must be within your six month Fiance Visa stay
• Has tighter accommodation requirements
• You will not have to pay the £600 NHS surcharge under this visa, but you will once you get the spouse visa
• Has more evidence requirements such as:
• Have you met in person? (You must have met in person; Skype and FaceTime calls do not count)
• Is this forced?
• Is this an ongoing relationship (minimum of two years)?

The Spouse Visa:

• Lasts 30 months, and you are allowed to work
• Has looser accommodation and evidence requirements
• Your marriage certificate is a way of saying you have met in person, and that it has been an ongoing relationship
• You may still need to prove it's a consensual marriage
• Unfortunately, along with the visa price, you will need to pay the £600 NHS surcharge, making the whole process total up to $2,500 (not including flight tickets, the interview, or other minor charges)

Before entering the UK on any visa, you will need to apply for the Biometric Residence Permit, or BRP, which is an ID-sized card that authorizes your stay in the UK and includes your fingerprint and personal information. Think of it as a temporary ID. You will need to pick that up within two weeks after arriving into the UK. I have been unable to find a correct cost for the BRP application, but I believe it is under $100. 

Any additional details can be found here on the British government website

Here is a video about my decisions and what may be involved

Choose whatever visa you think suits you best, there is no wrong or right visa to pick from. 


*this applies only to applicants who want to move to the UK

What IS Unite this Couple?

Are you in a long distance relationship? Are you planning to close the distance soon? Are you looking to move to the UK, or get a visa in general? Then this is what Unite this Couple is for!

Unite This Couple is a blogging website created by an American in a long distance relationship with a Brit. It was created to not only log the progression of closing the distance, but to also give advice to couples in the same situation. 

With this, I am hoping to help make the visa processes easier for those who are also intending to move to the United Kingdom.With this in mind, my experience is only a "one size fits all" kind of experience. What this means, is that what I do in my visa process may be different from what another person does. Use the advice I provide as a guide, but do not expect everything to be the same for you. 

The following things may be different with each individual:

• the fees (depending on your selected visa route and location. Visa prices themselves should not change drastically; unless there was a new guideline added, or an economy failure. If you plan on moving to another country, the prices will be listed in their respective currency. Currency rates are subject to fluctuate.)
• the experience (your visa process may be simple as eating cake, or as difficult as learning the language of Japanese in one night)
• the struggles (the more research you do, the easier the process will be)
• the wait time for the visa (depends on selected visa route, and how long that decision maker is going to take!)
• the relationship evidence needed (they may want just a few pictures, or they may want to see a whole collection)

I am going to continually update my progress with the visa through blogs, and hopefully soon write a novel sharing my experience. I want to help guide other couples, as there does not appear to be a very large amount of resources out there.